She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
