Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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