He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
