what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
