he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
pray to the hookup gods
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize