Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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