probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
