i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize