I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
