Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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