i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
