This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
