You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
