i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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