You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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