You can't motorboat a personality
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
