omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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