He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
