My room smells like vodka and shame
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
