so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
