my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
