I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
