SEEEEXXX PLEASE
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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