you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
