I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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