I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want a musical about memes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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