remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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