she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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