Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
