somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
