Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
