Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is not my ceiling
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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