I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
