Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
