are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He shit in the fireplace
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