So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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