just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
