How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
