I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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