WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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