Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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