when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize