He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
