weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize