He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
