Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
