I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize