Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
