OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
