you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
