I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
