I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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