ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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