Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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