bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
