Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize