He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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