Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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