Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
